☆Sunday, February 25, 2007
ok. here's the thing.
evn if you hate me hate until like shit
and if you dun tell ppl how much u hate me and how er you think i am you'll just explode,
i wont and cnt stop you.
but would you pls NOT say it in front of my face cos its FUCKING upsetting
although u nv say to me.
but you were like, less than 0.20m away from me whn you told tht to someone else.
so unless i'm horribly deaf and am unable to hear stuff that is more than 0.2m radius ard me
would you KINDLY move somewhere else and say.
altho i noe tht u dun like me alr
there is really no need to say such stuff to me.
i DO have feelings ya?
i DO noe wht is sadness.
i DO know how to cry.
it's ok if you dun like me.
i dun aim to be a wan ren mi
just pls, DONT HAVE THE SENSITIVITY RANGE OF A TEASPOON CAN?!
it hurts you know.
it really hurts.
my heart just keeps bleeding more and more each day.
it doesnt get replenished
and my lymphocytes and phaogocytes arent coming out to help either.
i noe u all are like magpies
happy to see my bleeding.
happy to see misery.
you exchange my sorrow for ur happiness.
and you eat my tears and drink my blood.
that's why i say girls, literature is like life.
missingY O U
☆Wednesday, February 21, 2007
i think i'm better off blogging in chinese.
the english entries are simply too agonising and too vulgar.
it has been a long long time since i last used vulgarities.
for all my 4 years in sn, i have rarely used them, hokkien or english.
even if i do say them out, it's just for fun.
i rmb qing and i used to say out the initials to each other and laugh abt thm..
like knn and ccb
haha. kinda nostalgic.
nowadays, i just directly type them out
i use it really often... if i compare it with before.
i dun really like to use it.. and i have no idea why i resumed using it after 4 years of not using it most of the time.
stress? maybe.
agony? maybe.
i really have no clue.
after 2 months at school and in my class
i'm starting to think that it's not the ppl ard me
it's just me.
i'm weird.
i'm abnormal.
i'm never gonna be welcomed.
i am a loser.
A loner.
i shouldnt even be here.
i think i suck.
will ppl be happier if i'm gone?
or will they even notice.
hurr hurr.
my msn nick goes: dun ask me why i'm emo, it's cos of you.
i find it rather ironic.
and also rather bhb.
cos NO ONE'S gonna ask me why i'm emo.
no one cares.
what a great life i lead.
welcome to my life.
missingY O U
☆Saturday, February 17, 2007
i have always tried to tell myself not to give a damn and fucking care about them. about everything.
i wanna tell myself, wht does it matter even if you are being isolated.
wht does it matter if you are being gossiped abt by others.
wht does it matter if there's a huge number of ppl behing left right front of you laughing at you and about you.
LAU QIUYU, IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER.
but i cant.
i cant not care abt wht others say abt me.
i care too much abt other's opinions of me.
WHY DO I FUCKING CARE.
caring abt such things makes me paranoid
makes me worried
makes me stressed every moment
makes me insecure
makes me emo.
there's nothing to gain.
NOTHING AT ALL.
i should stop caring.
even if there are miliions of ppl talking bad abt me, there's nth i can do.
i dont see the need for me to change myself to fit other's preferences.
i'm not a robot.
i cant be programmed to be what you expect me to be.
i am who i am.
if u can accept me, so be it.
if u can't, then there's nth i can do.
I DONT FUCKING CARE!
or rather, i shouldnt give a fucking damn.
i'm so going to die early if this continues.
there's nth i can do anyway.
i shouldnt lose myself just so i wont be a loner.
there's no need to.
what's the most impt is what's inside.
THIS FUCKING SUCKS.
carolanne's right, vulgarities are a good way of expressing ur emotions.
carolanne rocks.
i love her.
she's like my aunt agony, my pillar of strength and support.
she rocks!:D
carolanne, if ur reading this, i just wanna say thank you for being such wonderful friend and emo kids mate.
and even if the whole FUCKING world is against you, i'll always believe you.
love you forever <33333
missingY O U
☆Wednesday, February 14, 2007
V. day today.
ok overall. i guess
cross country was ok.
physically, everything was ok.
i still miss st nicks.
why, why was in such a great school.
i miss celebrating v day in st nicks.
i miss going to school to see a big pile of sweets and flowers and wht-hve-you on my table.
i miss rushing ard the 4 levels to give presents to juniors, classmates, guidesmates and frens of every kind.
Classrooms give u a sense of belonging.
so i was telling carolanne today
if we were in st nicks, we would be chiong-ing new year decos now.
ahah. we always do them one or two days b4 the required date.
some ppl think we very evrything also want to win and cannot stand us.
to me, winning is just a bonus. It has no meaning if we win byt only 2 ppl were involved in the deco of the clss.
wht is best is tht most ppl (MOST) chipped in one way or anthr to let us finish up the decos.
the fact tht everyone is helping out to decorate the class brightens up my life (:
and in sec 3.. we hid in the tent or put a chair outside so we could cont doing till late late jus to finish
but slowly as more and more such things come, we dun evn need a chair anymore.
we climb in directly.
haha
during cross country today, the female PE teacher was like talking abt the hwachong spirit.
and i was telling carolanne again : no one knows wht is true school spirit unless they've been in st nicks.
like mrs goh always says" when we give our best, NOBODY comes close."
NOBODY (:
i miss sn. :(
yayy but i'm going back tmr!
hui mu xiao shou piao ri!
haha. so excited!
<33 st nicks.
i feel so at home there!
i <3 going back (:
st nicholas greets you, our lovely convent
a school of beauty and greenery
so cool and breezy, so warm and friendly
our fragrant flowers and palm trees around.
Our fanily ambience which strikes our children
which stirs our feelings, which lights our hearts
st incholas our home, we'll always cherish
the love and beauty u give us to keep.
<333
missingY O U
☆Thursday, February 08, 2007
ok. aft tht post, i'm just gonna add in 2 more points.
cant add in the previous post cos it was dedicated to bex.
HAHAHAHA
1. i love huang cheng!!!! oh manns i so glad i joined it. God pls pls pls pls pls pls pls let me stay in hwachong. Pls...i'll be freakinn sad if i cant stay in huang chend and/or hwachong )))))):
2. Stop acting like u know me very well. cos you dont. if i dont knw myself well, i dont see how u can understand me more than i understand myself. so stop it.
STOP.
missingY O U
ok. whn i was crashing nj yest, i saw bex! ((:
and she was askin me how was i and everything
i dun think i'm fine but i'm better.
thank you for caring mans.
I LOVE YOU :)))))
so she was pissed tht i took her out of my life in my previous entry.
so i shall dedicate this WHOLE post to her.
(yes bex, i know i'm nice)
HAHA
i miss sitting nxt to bex!!(for abt 1 year)
i miss my qing ai des! (bex and wex)
i miss singing songs with bex!!!
i miss gackt day!
i miss 5566 day!
i miss writing i hate gackt all over ur diary!
i miss u writing gackt rocks all over mine!
i miss how u like green and wex orange(:
i miss how i always say "gui xin si jian"
i miss pia-ing tests and hmwk in class just so tht i can go home to watch qiang wei and all the ou xiang jus!
i miss telling you how much i'm suffering frm withdrawal symptoms.
i miss you askin "are u angry with me?" or "you look pissed?" even though i was perfectly alright.
i miss u and wex writing letters to me even though i moved house.(i still have them)
i miss writing on your hand(:
and evn though i dun do this much , i miss telling you how much I LOVE YOU ((((:
there's too much things tht happened and it's almost impossible to write thm all out..
i miss bong's er-ness, jean+lix+clara princess wanna be but sadly cannot make it, and bong's barbaric princess( even more cannot make it) and everything everything evrything!
if i were to type them all out, it'd take 5 years!
there's just too much..
fiesta, cny decos, all the decos tht we will chiong last minute but always very well done (:
ok wait. i was supp to dedicate this post to BEX. haha
shall stop here.
hehs.
missingY O U
☆Sunday, February 04, 2007
rise of the Emo Kids.
down goes the Lame Girls.
my leg is mended and my smile is gone.
my sun is covered by dark clouds a gazillion times bigger than it.
if u havent got a clue wht i'm typing, it's ok.
cos i dun really either.
just being emo.
it's 4 in the afternoon
it's sunday.
i haven got a single hmwk done besides ILP.
i dun really care.
i go to school everyday without a purpose.
sec 4 term 3 was hell with tests almost everyday
but somehow, i looked foward to going to school.
to sing s.h.e songs with lingyan
to keep suan-ing bong.
to eat orange bowl.
to be my good chinese rep(:
to stand nxt to qing and aman during assembly
to sing school song
to say exam and students prayer
to say the lord's prayer
to gossippp at tau huay shop
to be lame with qing.(super!)
to go canteen and ask evelyn and gang "eat in front or behind?"
to throw tissue everywhere
to dirty the already very dirty classroom
to nag at ppl to hand in chinese hmwk
to give out newpapers and du zhe
to join two 15 cm rulers with post-its(HAHAHA)
to say "incompetent monitor!"
to go tuition with kaili sr and jasmine
to drink bbnc at tuition
to talk and talk and talk during tuition
to get scolded: " st nicholas girls...."
for everything tht happened in sn
THANK YOU ALL.
scoring 253 for PSLE was the best mistake tht happened in my life.
if i scored 26plus i'll be in somewhere else and will nvr experience all these.
so thank you for making my sun shine with such radiance and warmth
if i can't keep it, at least i've experienced the warmest sunshine.
ok typing the above chunk was really emo.
a lot of memories started rushing back.
i love you guys(:
why is the monitor becoming blurer and blurer?
why are my eyes getting hotter and hotter?
i wanted to control it.
but i cant.
so cry, cry with all ur might
and aft u cry, it'd be a better moment than before.
missingY O U
